The Importance of Friends and Support

There are times I post poems.  There are times I post quotes.  This blog entry however, will not have either.  This is going to be even more heartfelt then usual because I had something happen tonight that touched my heart and made me think even more about what someone mentioned for a topic.

In the past...

I have spent time homeless and am very grateful to have friends and family that where there for me.  Even though I may have kept quit during the time that I was living in shelters and on the street, I knew that I could pick up a phone and call or text my family and friends. If I wasn't able to do that, I was able to go to the library and get on Facebook or email someone.  It wasn't until I got a job that I realized what my purpose was and it wasn't until I got into recovery for addiction that I realized just what I needed to do to reach my purpose.

Some homeless individuals don't have that support because of many different reasons.  Drugs, bad circumstances, poor choices, and being gay, lesbian, or transgender.  Being of transgender experience myself, I feel we have it especially hard.  I am not saying anyone else has it any easier, but when being of transgender experience you have to deal with being misgendered by others that are homeless as well as organizations.  We also have to deal with alienation from others. 

Now...

I have a place and even more support because of recovery and attending support groups by the few organizations that are here in Los Angeles that provides services for the transgender community.  When I first got into recovery, it was because I was depressed and started to feel as if I was alone, so I had thoughts of going back into the time of drugs.  After being mugged, I realized I had to do something different.  Once in recovery, I was able to focus on myself and get to know me and my worth.

Don't get me wrong, not everyone needs recovery to figure out who they are.  But everyone needs support of some sort.  I had this lady today asked me for money.  What made it bad was she called me brother and when I snapped at her and corrected her, she seemed like she was going to cry as she apologized.  It touched my heart.  Did she truly not mean it?  I am not sure but it made me think of the importance for educating those who speak before they think and that usually deal with someone of transgender experience.  This could be family, friends, or even those that deal with the public.  Perhaps, this would be the start of someone's support system.

When I was in Texas I had a blog like this one and I posted an entry where I spoke about it takes a village (see "It takes a whole village to raise a child?").  Maybe that is what we need to do now.  Maybe giving support to someone with experience will make you a part of their village.  If you dear readers don't understand something, ask but be respectful when doing so.  Everyone's transition is personal, so if they don't answer, please don't get mad.  If you are of transgender experience don't get defensive, answer what you feel comfortable answering and if you don't, let them know that you are not comfortable answering their question.  We as woman of transgender experience and even if their are men of transgender experience need to support each other as well. 

If you get anything from this entry, it should be that we need to change our way of thinking and become supportive of each other.  Life is hard, especially for us that are transgender.  Sometimes we need our friends and supporters because we all need someone to turn to at time.  I know I did and sometimes still do and this is why I dedicate this blog entry to them.

Until next time.....Be safe and be blessed.

Realizations

  I know it has been awhile since my last entry and I have been told by a dear friend of mine that if I am going to do this blog, I need to do it and quite being so sporadic.  She continued to tell me that I do a good job, I just need to be more consistent.  As you all know, I only had a smartphone for a while and was homeless, making posting difficult.  Now I have a keyboard and tablet so now we can do what I have been wanting to do for a while and that is make this a weekly blog.   Without farther interruption, here we go.

" I am a trans woman. My sisters are trans women. We are not secrets. We are not shameful. We are worthy of respect, desire, and love. As there are many kinds of women, there are many kinds of men, and many men desire many kinds of women, trans women are amongst these women. And let’s be clear: Trans women are women." ~Janet Mock, author of Redefining Realness

There has been so much going on since I last posted.  I am off the streets and in my own place, I had a job that I got laid off from, and I figured out what I want to do as for my career.  Change is good and one must realize that change and growth both come from focusing and getting to know yourself.  Part of that means getting to know your self worth.  This is what I have been doing during my absence.

When I seen the quote from Janet Mock, I knew it had became my favorite quote because it makes women like me take back our power as the Goddesses we are and shows the world that we are just like any other woman and deserve to be treated as such.  The more I focus on myself the more I realize that I deserve more than having a guy tell me they want to party with me at my place or the first thing that comes out of their mouth is asking me what I like to do sexually.  In the last few months though, since I have decided to do things differently then I have done in the past, I have met men that like me because they see me as a woman. 

I may not be ready to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship yet, but I do know that I am worthy of going on dates and hanging out with guy friends.  I also deserve the respect of other women as well.  Not just me but all women of transgender experience, especially when it comes to pageants, and other social events.  We need to stop with the Bulling, the secrecy, and the prejudges that consume us when we do not understand something.  We should educate ourselves and if that means changing our believes and value so be it.  Sometimes hanging on to old believes and values can be dangerous and not allow us to grow.

Belief + Value = Behavior

I had someone tell me that this is considered a life equation.  I can see how it is true and can fit it into many aspects of m life.  For instance, at one time I believed you had to live a certain way to have a happy life.  As a result, I had low self esteem.  So my behavior became reckless.  I started using drugs, became very sexual, and got into relationships with the guys whose only ambitions was to get high on drugs.

One of the things I had to do was change my belief.  Now I believe I do not need to live a certain way to have a happy life as long as I am not hurting anyone or anything.  So now, I place a high value on myself and this means that I consider myself a someone who is important even if it is just to me.  As a result, I am in recovery, taking my hormones, as prescribed by a doctor, being responsible, and surrounding my self with better people as well as hang out with guys that are about getting themselves together.  I may not be ready to be anyone's girlfriend are wife just yet but I am well on my way.

Perhaps if more society took this equation into consideration, change would happen in this world.  However, to the readers of this blog, it can start with you.  To the women of transgender experience, remember what Janet Mock said, we are worthy of respect, desire, and love.  Don't be a secret anymore.

Until next time....Be Blessed and Be Safe