This week I was going to post an entry about privileges because it was brought up interesting feedback after I posted something on Facebook. However, the more I think about it, I don't think I am going to as I am not sure what to think or how to approach it. I will in time tackle the subject but not today. Today I feel the need to post something else and that is the importance of getting to know yourself.
When I was younger and after I moved out of my mom's house, I got in relationships because I wanted validation and to be loved. I could not stand to be by myself so I would get roommates when I was not in relationships and that didn't last long either because of the type of people I allowed in my life. Then after I started my transition, I started realizing the guys where no good but that is what I liked because they accepted me, or so I thought. I just could not understand why they would disappear from me, cheat on me, or even leave me for someone else.
I fell in love in my last relationship but now thinking back, I was the only one. I thought he loved me because we where together for four years, but now I wonder if he didn't just love me because I had my own place, I paid the bills, and I didn't do drugs so there where more for him. When I kicked him out, I was a mess for a long time. I moved to Texas where because I was so hurt I focused on other things but was still unhappy. I moved around part to help a friend with his mother and another part to figure out where I belonged. With my ex gone, there was something missing or so I thought.
It wasn't until I moved to Los Angeles before I realized that there was nothing missing. It was there and I just needed to start a journey inwards to see it. I had to figure out who I was and learn to love myself to be happy. I have also learned that our spiritual journey travels almost parallel to inner journey because there are many things I need assistance with.
I see a lot of people in this world that are not happy with themselves and they do as I did. Try to find the happiness and love from other things and people. Getting in relationships and then wondering why those relationships don't work out. Wondering why they attract a certain type of man or woman. Thinking they are not pretty and no matter how hard they try they never will be not realizing beauty comes from within. Perhaps that will be the topic of my next entry even though it does tie into this one.
I also head once that when we love ourselves we attract a different type of attention. I don't believe that saying. Since I have been working on me and getting to love me, I have realized what I like or dislike. What I will tolerate or no,t and my self worth. I still attract the same type of men but have noticed I am attracting other types as well and I because of knowing myself I am able to be friends with only the ones I want to and stay away or keep those not good for me at a distance. I may be single at the moment but I am happy and I know if I am patient, my prince charming will come.
We as woman with transgender experience need to stop trying to get validation from guys or others. We need to get validation from ourselves and we also need to realize that we or not the only ones that get treated bad by guys. They treat all women bad regardless of the woman being with transgender experience or not. Instead of focusing on them, we should focus on us. We transition thinking about the women we want to be but not getting to know that woman that is inside of you. We need to not only get to know ourselves and love ourselves but we need to "own it". Which means my dear readers especially those with transgender experience. We need to own the power we have within us. When doing that we can find happiness, and love for ourselves as well as create change. Then as we do this the love and beauty will show on the outside and others that are good for us can start to love us.
So as I end this entry my dear readers, your challenge for the week is to think about what it means to be you. Who are you? What are your likes, your dislikes? Be honest with your answers. Until next time.....Be Safe and Be Blessed.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Women with Transgender Experience
This past week has got me doing a lot of thinking about my experiences as a woman with transgender experience. One thing I know for sure is I am grateful for the experience even though at the time I wondered why I was going through the difficulties. I realize that now that those difficulties has passed, I am stronger and more focused. It helps for me to see Role models starting to tell their stories as well because I always say, we all have a story to tell. Mine is about my life as a Woman with Transgender Experience.
There has been many times, I have thought about how I want to make a difference and make my mark in the world. It wasn't really until I moved to LA that I realized just how I could do that. I figured out that I could do this by sharing my experience to those who read my blogs as well as to the transgender community and any other community that wants to get to know what it is like for me. I also know that by showing support and that we can all be something if we put our mind to it.
A week ago I had a realization that I found truly mind boggling. Why is it we hardly see any other Caucasian women of transgender experience? Is it because many feel they need to fit in to be accepted and either blend in or to ashamed to come out during the day? Why is it harder for those of color to be accepted after their transition? It sickens me when I turn on the television and they have a news story about someone that is of transgender experience and it is not positive. I guess that is why I am so grateful for those like Lavern Cox and Janet Mock. They bring out the positive stories involving those of transgender experience and of color.
The thing about me though is I don't see the color of the skin. I have learned a lot from my communities even though I haven't really thought about it until now. Is this because I am actually growing? Because I have been taking the time to focus on me, my spirituality, and my career? I really have had some great experiences and they where not all bad. For instance, I am learning to being confident in myself and not to worry about what I might think my voice sounds like. I am not worried about what others think of me but what I think of myself.
These are the things I want to give back to all communities including the transgender community. Who better to help other women with transgender experience then a woman of transgender experience. It is for this reason, we should stick together and build allies so that we can become resources within ourselves. I guess my dear readers the challenge for this week would be to look at your experiences. For those of you that are not of transgender experience but socialize with someone who is, what have they taught you? For those readers that are with transgender experience, how have your experiences helped you? What can you pass to others that are just starting on their transitional journey?
Until next time.......Be Safe and Be Blessed
There has been many times, I have thought about how I want to make a difference and make my mark in the world. It wasn't really until I moved to LA that I realized just how I could do that. I figured out that I could do this by sharing my experience to those who read my blogs as well as to the transgender community and any other community that wants to get to know what it is like for me. I also know that by showing support and that we can all be something if we put our mind to it.
A week ago I had a realization that I found truly mind boggling. Why is it we hardly see any other Caucasian women of transgender experience? Is it because many feel they need to fit in to be accepted and either blend in or to ashamed to come out during the day? Why is it harder for those of color to be accepted after their transition? It sickens me when I turn on the television and they have a news story about someone that is of transgender experience and it is not positive. I guess that is why I am so grateful for those like Lavern Cox and Janet Mock. They bring out the positive stories involving those of transgender experience and of color.
The thing about me though is I don't see the color of the skin. I have learned a lot from my communities even though I haven't really thought about it until now. Is this because I am actually growing? Because I have been taking the time to focus on me, my spirituality, and my career? I really have had some great experiences and they where not all bad. For instance, I am learning to being confident in myself and not to worry about what I might think my voice sounds like. I am not worried about what others think of me but what I think of myself.
These are the things I want to give back to all communities including the transgender community. Who better to help other women with transgender experience then a woman of transgender experience. It is for this reason, we should stick together and build allies so that we can become resources within ourselves. I guess my dear readers the challenge for this week would be to look at your experiences. For those of you that are not of transgender experience but socialize with someone who is, what have they taught you? For those readers that are with transgender experience, how have your experiences helped you? What can you pass to others that are just starting on their transitional journey?
Until next time.......Be Safe and Be Blessed
Being A Mom
With this still being the month of May and with Mothers day just passing. I thought I would play catch up tonight and do this blog entry first since I am a week behind. It has been on my mind a lot these last few weeks and to my devoted readers I apologize and I will do my best not to let it happen again.
Mothers day is a special time for all mothers because their children thank them for being there for them. There may be many that believe that a mother can only be someone who has or raises a child. My thoughts are different though. I believe it is something more, something deeper then that. When I was growing up, I use to have a friend who I joked and said his mom was also my mom. I actually had to moms like that. I also remember my mom claiming my friends as well. I have even seen this with my sister and her friends. So it get's me to thinking about what a mother truly is.
Susan Diranian, a writer for various online publications and magazines, specializing in relationships, health, fashion, beauty and fitness says,
"The meaning of being a mother is virtually endless. A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience."
When looking up the definition of mother, I found this quote instead and find it very fitting. In my childhood and that of my siblings we had more then one mother. What Susan says makes a lot of sense to me because I myself have someone I call my child because I feel as if I can help her they way a mother can. Not to mention, there are many single parents these days that have to be both the father and mother. This is not mentioning those who because of being transgender had to find a mother figure elsewhere because their own mother didn't accept them becoming who they truly are.
Being a mother can be a special thing and I agree that even though we thank mothers everyday for being in our lives, we have one day to truly celebrate them being their for us. It took me a long time to understand that but then again, I didn't really understand what a mother really was. Perhaps I didn't understand just now when I found Susan's article. I think the saddest thing to realize is society tries to define what a woman is and what a mother is but as I said in previous posts, the world is not as black and white as one wants to believe.
In order for anyone to grow, and that includes me, we must understand that being a woman and being a mother goes beyond what we may think we know about such matters. Learning to accept the that there is more to being a woman then what is between her legs and being a mother is someone more then just a female who gives birth or raises a child, then the growth will begin. Instead of fearing change, we should accept it.
For all my readers that are mothers, I want to take this time to say happy belated mothers day and thank you for all that you do for your children. Even though mothers day is done past I encourage you my readers to call and wish your mother whom ever she may be, Happy Belated Mothers day and thank them for being their.
Until next time....Be Safe and Be Blessed.
Mothers day is a special time for all mothers because their children thank them for being there for them. There may be many that believe that a mother can only be someone who has or raises a child. My thoughts are different though. I believe it is something more, something deeper then that. When I was growing up, I use to have a friend who I joked and said his mom was also my mom. I actually had to moms like that. I also remember my mom claiming my friends as well. I have even seen this with my sister and her friends. So it get's me to thinking about what a mother truly is.
Susan Diranian, a writer for various online publications and magazines, specializing in relationships, health, fashion, beauty and fitness says,
"The meaning of being a mother is virtually endless. A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience."
When looking up the definition of mother, I found this quote instead and find it very fitting. In my childhood and that of my siblings we had more then one mother. What Susan says makes a lot of sense to me because I myself have someone I call my child because I feel as if I can help her they way a mother can. Not to mention, there are many single parents these days that have to be both the father and mother. This is not mentioning those who because of being transgender had to find a mother figure elsewhere because their own mother didn't accept them becoming who they truly are.
Being a mother can be a special thing and I agree that even though we thank mothers everyday for being in our lives, we have one day to truly celebrate them being their for us. It took me a long time to understand that but then again, I didn't really understand what a mother really was. Perhaps I didn't understand just now when I found Susan's article. I think the saddest thing to realize is society tries to define what a woman is and what a mother is but as I said in previous posts, the world is not as black and white as one wants to believe.
In order for anyone to grow, and that includes me, we must understand that being a woman and being a mother goes beyond what we may think we know about such matters. Learning to accept the that there is more to being a woman then what is between her legs and being a mother is someone more then just a female who gives birth or raises a child, then the growth will begin. Instead of fearing change, we should accept it.
For all my readers that are mothers, I want to take this time to say happy belated mothers day and thank you for all that you do for your children. Even though mothers day is done past I encourage you my readers to call and wish your mother whom ever she may be, Happy Belated Mothers day and thank them for being their.
Until next time....Be Safe and Be Blessed.
Reference:
Being a Mother, Susan Diranian (2013, Aug. 16) http://www.livestrong.com/article/536701-the-meaning-of-being-a-mother/
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Being Who We Are
I know it has been a few weeks since my last entry and I have had a lot of things on my mine. Last week I went to a support group where a question was given to us to think about and give the answer tomorrow. Even though the question called for me to define a woman, I decided to think upon that and perhaps even go deeper.
When we are born we are pronounced a certain gender because of what is between our legs. But nature has shown us that it is not black or white. I have known a few men and women who where born with both. I have seen male dogs with nipples that should only be seen on females. So the question is, does what is between a persons legs make the gender? If so what would we consider those born with both?
I have also heard that being able to bare children makes a woman who she is. How is this true if there are so many woman out there that can not have children for what ever reason? Does this mean that a woman who cannot bare children is not a woman and because of this cannot be a mother? Men have lost out on relationships with me because of this very fact.
When will we realize that sometimes closing the door on someone's happiness is not hurting that person as much as it is hurting us as human beings. In my opinion, it does not matter what a person has between his or her legs. After much research and experiencing different types of individuals, I have realized that it is how a person feels and identifies as. It can even go as far as how they present themselves.
I type this blog to get to you to think about this next time you are out running errands, or what have you. If you see a girl wearing a dress that is transgender, I challenge you to go up to her and talk to her. Give her some encouragement. I ask for you to be respectful. We as society need to quit overthinking things. Especially when it comes to transgender women and men. I am just like any other woman. I may not can have children but I can adopt. It is time to show that it is ok to be who we are.
Until next time....Stay safe and Be Blessed.
When we are born we are pronounced a certain gender because of what is between our legs. But nature has shown us that it is not black or white. I have known a few men and women who where born with both. I have seen male dogs with nipples that should only be seen on females. So the question is, does what is between a persons legs make the gender? If so what would we consider those born with both?
I have also heard that being able to bare children makes a woman who she is. How is this true if there are so many woman out there that can not have children for what ever reason? Does this mean that a woman who cannot bare children is not a woman and because of this cannot be a mother? Men have lost out on relationships with me because of this very fact.
When will we realize that sometimes closing the door on someone's happiness is not hurting that person as much as it is hurting us as human beings. In my opinion, it does not matter what a person has between his or her legs. After much research and experiencing different types of individuals, I have realized that it is how a person feels and identifies as. It can even go as far as how they present themselves.
I type this blog to get to you to think about this next time you are out running errands, or what have you. If you see a girl wearing a dress that is transgender, I challenge you to go up to her and talk to her. Give her some encouragement. I ask for you to be respectful. We as society need to quit overthinking things. Especially when it comes to transgender women and men. I am just like any other woman. I may not can have children but I can adopt. It is time to show that it is ok to be who we are.
Until next time....Stay safe and Be Blessed.
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