This week I was going to post an entry about privileges because it was brought up interesting feedback after I posted something on Facebook. However, the more I think about it, I don't think I am going to as I am not sure what to think or how to approach it. I will in time tackle the subject but not today. Today I feel the need to post something else and that is the importance of getting to know yourself.
When I was younger and after I moved out of my mom's house, I got in relationships because I wanted validation and to be loved. I could not stand to be by myself so I would get roommates when I was not in relationships and that didn't last long either because of the type of people I allowed in my life. Then after I started my transition, I started realizing the guys where no good but that is what I liked because they accepted me, or so I thought. I just could not understand why they would disappear from me, cheat on me, or even leave me for someone else.
I fell in love in my last relationship but now thinking back, I was the only one. I thought he loved me because we where together for four years, but now I wonder if he didn't just love me because I had my own place, I paid the bills, and I didn't do drugs so there where more for him. When I kicked him out, I was a mess for a long time. I moved to Texas where because I was so hurt I focused on other things but was still unhappy. I moved around part to help a friend with his mother and another part to figure out where I belonged. With my ex gone, there was something missing or so I thought.
It wasn't until I moved to Los Angeles before I realized that there was nothing missing. It was there and I just needed to start a journey inwards to see it. I had to figure out who I was and learn to love myself to be happy. I have also learned that our spiritual journey travels almost parallel to inner journey because there are many things I need assistance with.
I see a lot of people in this world that are not happy with themselves and they do as I did. Try to find the happiness and love from other things and people. Getting in relationships and then wondering why those relationships don't work out. Wondering why they attract a certain type of man or woman. Thinking they are not pretty and no matter how hard they try they never will be not realizing beauty comes from within. Perhaps that will be the topic of my next entry even though it does tie into this one.
I also head once that when we love ourselves we attract a different type of attention. I don't believe that saying. Since I have been working on me and getting to love me, I have realized what I like or dislike. What I will tolerate or no,t and my self worth. I still attract the same type of men but have noticed I am attracting other types as well and I because of knowing myself I am able to be friends with only the ones I want to and stay away or keep those not good for me at a distance. I may be single at the moment but I am happy and I know if I am patient, my prince charming will come.
We as woman with transgender experience need to stop trying to get validation from guys or others. We need to get validation from ourselves and we also need to realize that we or not the only ones that get treated bad by guys. They treat all women bad regardless of the woman being with transgender experience or not. Instead of focusing on them, we should focus on us. We transition thinking about the women we want to be but not getting to know that woman that is inside of you. We need to not only get to know ourselves and love ourselves but we need to "own it". Which means my dear readers especially those with transgender experience. We need to own the power we have within us. When doing that we can find happiness, and love for ourselves as well as create change. Then as we do this the love and beauty will show on the outside and others that are good for us can start to love us.
So as I end this entry my dear readers, your challenge for the week is to think about what it means to be you. Who are you? What are your likes, your dislikes? Be honest with your answers. Until next time.....Be Safe and Be Blessed.
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