The Power Of "No"

For the last few weeks I have had many ideas for a topic but I have realized during this time that the hardest word for many of us to hear or say is the word "NO".  I have in the past have had the hardest time saying this because I didn't want to be a bad person and wanting to be liked.  Now though, I realize that saying "NO" is sometimes necessary when it comes to our spiritual, mental, and physical growth.  Hearing the word "NO" can be just as important as saying it.

When I was growing up if I heard the word "NO", I would get upset and throw a tantrum.  I am sure many have and when I see children get told this word by their parents or any other figure with authority, I have seen the same reaction.  Now that I am older I realize that this word was told not to punish us, but because to keep us from getting or doing something we didn't need to do or to protect us.  If we listen to our inner selves when we are about to get into a situation not good for us, we will hear that same word, "NO".  You will see that even though we feel this is a negative response, it does not have to be.

The same goes when we say this as well.  As I mentioned, this is one word that has always been hard for me to say.  Because of this, I have been used, abused, and took advantage of.  No matter what happened, I refused to see the word as anything that could help me and continued to get harmed.  Since I have been working on getting to know myself I have realized that saying the word "NO" gives you strength.  It sets boundaries even.  If something does not feel right, this is your way out.  The great thing is, you don't even have to give an explanation.

Since I have learned this, "NO" has been getting easier for me to say.  I have had to use this word a few times and I encourage you my readers to do the same.  Listen to the inner voice the next time you are in a situation that does not feel right.  Don't be afraid to say "NO" as well, especially in a unhealthy relationship.  This word can save you from a lot of problems down the line if used in the right context.  Remember "NO" can be a positive word and it does have power.  Because of this, in return you gain power.

Until next time....Stay Safe and Be Blessed

The Ugly Duckling Part Two

Last week I posted one of my favorite fables and tonight I reread it because I wanted to reflect on it this week.  So I am about to do just that.  I am sure many of us can relate to the ugly duckling.  I know I can relate.  I am not saying that I was an ugly child but I did feel as if I didn't belong.  I always felt different and would wonder why I couldn't hang out with the girls or even wonder why I had to be born in the body I was born in.  Like the ugly duckling, I left because I was unhappy.  I tried different life styles and suffered the ridicule of others.  It was not until I found out what Transgender meant and after doing the research that I new what I had to do.  That of course being, me leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved for me to figure things out to be happy.

I thought when I started my transition, was the time I started becoming a Swan, as the ugly duckling did.  However, as I think on it now, the changed didn't happen then.  It happened when I came to Los Angeles.  It is here, where I am learning who I truly am and just how strong of a woman I really am.  I found my passion, my desires, my purpose.  I have allowed my family and old friends back in my life as well as made a new family and friends.  I now swim with the other beautiful swans and know I AM beautiful too.

This gets me to thinking about the transgender community.  Our stories are not the same but are similar.  We all had to struggle with who we are, as the ugly duckling did.  We started working to become the beautiful swan.  The question is though do many recognize themselves changing or does it happens when we least suspect it, as it did for me?  The way I see it, we look at others and say, "I want to look like that" or "I want to act like that person does" but we end up still not being true to ourselves.  Transitioning to have our bodies match or spirit is only part of the journey.  The other part is getting to know our spirits so that after we transition, our physical, mental, and spirit all live in harmony and we are happy.

It is easy to lose focus I know.  However, what would the ugly duckling have done if he didn't find his focus in the story and kept eating his meals until he became fat?  I can not speak for the men with transgender experience, but as a woman with transgender experience, I lost focus by getting into relationships that where not good for me.  For me, I have always wanted to be loved and accepted.  I didn't consider the cost would me not knowing just what a wonderful person I am and I deserve more then what I was allowing myself to have.

So my challenge for the week to those who read this, especially those of transgender experience.  Ask yourself if you really know yourself.  What are your likes and dislikes?  What is your passion?  Are you where you want to be in life?  Can you look in the mirror and see the beautiful swan that you are and recognize yourself?  After all we have to be truthful with ourselves.  Some of you may can answer this with ease, while others not so much.  It is all a part of growth as well as transformation and change.

Until next time be safe and be blessed...

The Ugly Duckling Part One

 Once upon a time down on an old farm, lived a duck family, and Mother Duck had been sitting on a clutch of new eggs. One nice morning, the eggs hatched and out popped six chirpy ducklings. But one egg was bigger than the rest, and it didn't hatch. Mother Duck couldn't recall laying that seventh egg. How did it get there? TOCK! TOCK! The little prisoner was pecking inside his shell. 
 
   "Did I count the eggs wrongly?" Mother Duck wondered. But before she had time to think about it, the last egg finally hatched. A strange looking duckling with gray feathers that should have been yellow gazed at a worried mother. The ducklings grew quickly, but Mother Duck had a secret worry. 
 
   "I can't understand how this ugly duckling can be one of mine!" she said to herself, shaking her head as she looked at her last born. Well, the gray duckling certainly wasn't pretty, and since he ate far more than his brothers, he was outgrowing them. As the days went by, the poor ugly duckling became more and more unhappy. His brothers didn't want to play with him, he was so 
clumsy, and all the farmyard folks simply laughed at him. He felt sad and lonely, while Mother Duck did her best to console him. 
 
   "Poor little ugly duckling!" she would say. "Why are you so different from the others?" And the ugly duckling felt worse than ever. He secretly wept at night. He felt nobody wanted him. 
 
   "Nobody loves me, they all tease me! Why am I different from my brothers?" 
 
   Then one day, at sunrise, he ran away from the farmyard. He stopped at a pond and began to question all the other birds. "Do you know of any ducklings with gray feathers like mine?" But everyone shook their heads in scorn. 
 
   "We don't know anyone as ugly as you." The ugly duckling did not lose heart, however, and kept on making inquiries. He went to another pond, where a pair of large geese gave him the same answer to his question. What's more, they warned him: "Don't stay here! Go away! It's dangerous. There are men with guns around here!" The duckling was sorry he had ever left the farmyard. 
 
   Then one day, his travels took him near an old countrywoman's cottage. Thinking he was a stray goose, she caught him. 
 
   "I'll put this in a hutch. I hope it's a female and lays plenty of eggs!" said the old woman, whose eyesight was poor. But the ugly duckling laid not a single egg. The hen kept frightening him. 
 
   "Just wait! If you don't lay eggs, the old woman will wring your neck and pop you into the pot!" And the cat chipped in: "Hee! Hee! I hope the woman cooks you, then I can gnaw at your bones!" The poor ugly duckling was so scared that he lost his appetite, though the old woman kept stuffing him with food and grumbling: "If you won't lay eggs, at least hurry up and  get plump!" 
 
   "Oh, dear me!" moaned the now terrified duckling. "I'll die of fright first! And I did so hope someone would love me!" 
 
   Then one night, finding the hutch door ajar, he escaped. Once again he was all alone. He fled as far away as he could, and at dawn, he found himself in a thick bed of reeds. "If nobody wants me, I'll hid here forever." There was plenty a food, and the duckling began to feel a little happier, though he was lonely. One day at sunrise, he saw a flight of beautiful birds wing overhead. White, with long slender necks, yellow beaks and large wings, they were migrating south. 
 
   "If only I could look like them, just for a day!" said the duckling, admiringly. Winter came and the water in the reed bed froze. The poor duckling left home to seek food in the snow. He dropped exhausted to the ground, but a farmer found him and put him in his big jacket pocket. 
 
   "I'll take him home to my children. They'll look after him. Poor thing, he's frozen!" The duckling was showered with kindly care at the farmer's house. In this way, the ugly duckling was able to survive the bitterly cold winter. 
 
   However, by springtime, he had grown so big that the farmer decided: "I'll set him free by the pond!" That was when the duckling saw himself mirrored in the water. 
 
   "Goodness! How I've changed! I hardly recognize myself!" The flight of swans winged north again and glided on to the pond. When the duckling saw them, he realized he was one of their kind, and soon made friends. 
 
   "We're swans like you!" they said, warmly. "Where have you been hiding?" 
 
   "It's a long story," replied the young swan, still astounded. Now, he swam majestically with his fellow swans. One day, he heard children on the river bank exclaim: "Look at that young swan! He's the finest of them all!" 
 
   And he almost burst with happiness.

The End

Authors note: This is the fable of the Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen.  Stay tune for part two where I will give my thoughts and views on this story.